The Warriors produced a sterling performance in the final game of the season, very nearly toppling the hitherto undefeated Northside Lions.  The game was played in blazing sunshine in Altona North on a playing surface that could best be described as concrete.  The ground was drier than a squashed lizard on the Nullarbor Highway and puffs of dust sprang up around my boots as I trotted towards the backline. I targeted a sluggish looking gentleman with a slight limp and we shook hands before hostilities commenced.  The Warriors started brightly, Carbo using his bulk to great effect and Sammy getting busy around the stoppages linking up well with the lithe and smooth moving Thommo.  As a team we looked good.  

I was a little inconvenienced early in the game due to a slight mishap with Grippo.  I have a mixed relationship with this marvellous product, but inserting into your eye is not recommended. I had placed a generous gobbet of Grippo on my hands and was running onto the field when a dust particle got in my eye – without thinking I rubbed my eye and almost instantly a stinging sensation started and my vision grew misty.  I spent the first ten minutes running around with one eye closed, like a deranged pirate. But midway through the first quarter I achieved a moment of glory.  As a SFD (small fat defender) I usually don’t stray too far from the backline, but somehow I found myself in the forward line (perhaps due to my clouded eyesight) drifting past a rampaging Killer for a handball.  Suddenly the goals opened up before me and I slammed it through from thirty metres out.  I suddenly realised I had no goal celebration planned, should I go with the “sprinkler”, “handcuffs”, “rock the baby” or maybe just blow kisses to the crowd. Then I saw how far it was to the back pocket, so I jogged insouciantly back to my position trying to look chill.  My moment of greatness was soon eclipsed by Kenny however.  He kicked our second goal under pressure, from the impossible angle, deep in the forward pocket, as cool as a cucumber.  Nobody likes a showoff.

We were right with them at half time, Magoo was causing problems in the forward line and Marko discovered he could reach below his knees and pick up a footy without disturbing his elegant hairstyle.  Rodders, boosted by the prospect of impressing his wife with his silky skills, took some good marks. Eddie claimed he wasn’t concussed after the last game, but he seemed to be mainly running in circles and at one point had a little lie down on the wing. Damo, released from his role as the world’s smallest ruckman was roaming around distributing the ball well with his characteristically unorthodox kicking style. If we had kicked straight we would have been in front. The third quarter was a tight contest, but they scored a couple of lucky goals that put them marginally ahead before the final quarter. The Warriors brave in the final stanza and the opposition held on to win. My highlight was that Pas actually kicked the ball to me, for the first time this season.  He looked at me from the goal square, I could see uncertainty cross his face but somewhat reluctantly he punted the footy in my direction.  I gave him a little wave of gratitude after I took the mark.

I stood in the rooms after the game a very tired man, wondering how to take off my underpants without cramping.  I looked around the rooms, Matty D had given his all and was slumped in the corner like a dero at Flinders St. Dave H was hoarse from all his shouting and his pointing finger could barely extend. Thorney, held upright by bandages and support garments looked exhausted.  But we were proud of our efforts today, and proud of our efforts across the season – the inaugural over 55s team could hold their weary heads high.  We look ahead to next year with hope and positivity. (I can see clearly now the Grippo has worn off.) 

Final Score
Northside Lions 9.5.59 d Eastern Warriors 3.9.27
Goals: Dusty, Kenny, Magoo