Round 1 Match Report
Nothing gets you up and about for Round 1 like knowing you’re playing the team that thrashed you 17 goals to one point at the same time last year. I rolled in at 9.30am, and gazing across the lush green plain of Edinburgh Reserve, I could see five dodgy-looking guys attacking the surface. Ready to race out and hurl abuse, I suddenly realised it was just a few Warriors on day release performing their community service obligations and flattening out the muddy cricket pitch ahead of play. Thanks Col, Damo, Thorney, Goldy and Eddie for getting that sorted.
Round 1 saw multiple new debutants for the Over 50s – AJ and Goldy stepping up from the 35s, Munga stepping down from the 55s, HipHop Farah for his first Warriors game, and Adam and Frankie joining us on day release from Frankston. It was also the debut match for new coaches Theo and Kaine, and the introduction of captain Col and Vice-Captain Clint.
Outside, a big crowd was forming in the stands at Edinburgh Reserve, fans in yellow and black who’d been waiting since last August to see their beloved players take the field. Led out by Col, the Warriors took the field and with Beaconsfield winning the toss, we were kicking to the Sandown end.
With Bruiser nursing a sore foot in the forward line, the midfield had a new shape under Theo’s direction with Col, Eddie and Clint hunting taps from Damo and Martin (wearing a jumper made for under 10s). Our midfield looked good from the first bounce, and our backline played to position well, with Dave taking on the key forward shutdown role while Matty D, Andy and Kenny provided rebound. Still, Beacy managed to get a few shots on goal while Clint nailed our first into the wind, and at quarter time it was 2.5 Beacy to 1.1 Warriors. In-and-under Eddie had broken ribs but shrugged it off. “Just a scratch.”
The second quarter went our way. With the wind at our back, and a strategic eye gouge from Eddie taking out Beacy’s captain, the Warriors gained the ascendancy. Clint was dominating all over the ground, and our fresh bench players started coming on with immediate impact. After Col had a chat with the opposition ruckman, the umpires decided he needed a rest and sent him to the bench, despite having an absolute blinder to that point. Eddie cracked his pelvis in half but fought on. “Just a flesh wound.”
For 10 minutes leading into half time, the ball was locked in our forward 50, a credit to the effort and pressure by our forwards and mids. Theo was peppering the goals but just offline, and Munga pounced on a loose ball for a big chance, only to have it just touched over the line. We kicked 2.5 for the quarter with all the momentum, while Beacy only snagged the one.
Being in front at half time was rare territory for the Warriors. The yellow and black crowd was getting a serious show! Then one came up and asked me, “Excuse me, my dad wants to know when Dustin Martin will be playing?”
Oops. Guess that April Fools joke went a tad too far. Yes, a small crowd had turned up specifically to see Dustin Martin play his first game for the Warriors. I pointed at Eddie in the No. 4 and tried to convince them that Dusty has lived a hard life since retiring from Richmond, but they didn’t seem to buy it and the crowd did thin considerably after half time.
Their loss!! The Warriors went on to play scintillating, physical football to win the next two quarters and the game! Beacy helped our cause when two of their big men crashed into each other in the third, hope they’re ok. HipHop fired up in the second half, with relentless second and third efforts on the wing rewarded with a brilliant long goal. Theo had missed a couple early but he was looking (and feeling) dangerous all game and got two great goals in the last to put the result beyond doubt. Eddie ruptured his spleen in the third, coughed up a lung in the fourth and lost two limbs but still kept running till the end. “Come here, I’ll bite your kneecaps!”
If you know, you know.
SportsBet was paying $3 million for the following multi –
- Col being sent off – $1.00000000000000000000001
- Theo any time goal scorer – $2
- Andy making it through a full game – $200
- Warriors to beat Beaconsfield – $500
- Eddie to be hospitalised – $15
I got them all except the last! Eddie was an inspiration playing through pain and pulverisation, and best of all tackling Nails and winning a free. Special mention also to Adorab-Al who with 2 minutes to go and the result in the bag told past player Nails (who left to play for a more “competitive” club) he should have stayed. Went down a treat!
Towering efforts from Warriors all over the ground led to this incredible, odds-defying victory against a side that would have come to our Jurassic Park expecting an easy win. Jules reminded me that a year ago after our drubbing in Beaconsfield, the captain commended us for trying because “youz never win.” Payback is sweet.
Huge thanks to the volunteers who assisted with the Over 50s on Sunday – Glenn, our official home game goal umpire, and Phil G for goal umpiring, Steve for scoring, Seal for running water, and a big thanks to Amanda Farah and her dad for spending all day in the canteen. Legends!
Congrats to Theo and Kaine for their debut win, two coaches who have had a big influence already on the group and complement each other. Today, we sit fourth on the ladder and on a winning streak I have never seen in my time at the Warriors – back-to-back!! Yes, we beat Port in the last round of 2025 and that is worth celebrating.
By order of Gez, the club is creating a line of Warriors Back-To-Back 2025-26 merchandise for fans to purchase, with special discounts for members.* Stay tuned.
Final Score
Eastern Warriors 7.8.50, Beaconsfield 5.6.36
Goals
Clint 3, Theo 2, Farah 1, Bruiser 1
*I write a lot of shit and expect a reasonable person to see through it, but now after the Dustin Martin incident I feel I need a disclaimer. Believe anything I say or write at your own risk – I accept no liability for decisions made or actions taken in response to information I provide, and anyone reading my drivel accepts that the overwhelming majority of it is irresponsible garbage and waives all liability on my part. Also, only some of those mentioned earlier were in prison, apologies to the others who are not doing time.
Grunta
We’re from Warriorland!
